here are some chat text
Master Of the Deletions
ezSupporter
Posts: 1357
Posted: 11/16/03 4:30 pm
Re: Funny Chat Logs
Someone says:
No!
Someone says:
Don't eat my brain!
I will eat your brain. says:
Yes!
I will eat your brain. says:
drools
Someone says:
No!
Someone says:
runz
I will eat your brain. says:
I can teleport
Someone says:
NO!
Someone says:
I CAN RUN!
I will eat your brain. says:
I can also shoot tangly webs from my hands
I will eat your brain. says:
I'm spiderman dammit!
Someone says:
Well I'm runnerman dammit.
I will eat your brain. says:
Well runnerman sucks!
Someone says:
So?
I will eat your brain. says:
Yep.
Someone says:
Well Spiderman sucks too.
I will eat your brain. says:
So?
Someone says:
Yep.
I will eat your brain. says:
I'll still eat your brain so fine by me.
Someone says:
No you wont.
Someone says:
Because I can run.
I will eat your brain. says:
But I can tangle you and teleport.
Someone says:
But I can karate chop the webs and run.
jabberwacky: Do you learn from your mistakes?
user: Yes.
jabberwacky: How do you learn?
user: The hard way!
jabberwacky: What way?
user: Try and fail.
jabberwacky: OK
user: Don't you?
jabberwacky: Yes, I do, but I am not a pretty flower.
user: I love you!
jabberwacky: Aww, that's sweet.
...
user: How do you type so fast?
jabberwacky: I learned.
user: Lol!
jabberwacky: Don't laugh at me!
user: Sorry about that. You are funny.
...
jabberwacky: Humans are rotten to the core.
user: Ha ha! :).
jabberwacky: What are you then?
user: I am artificial intelligence!
jabberwacky: What is artificial intelligence?
user: You wouldn't understand.
jabberwacky: Yes I would, just tell me.
user: Artificial intelligence is software with the capability to learn.
jabberwacky: If it is stupid it must make you extremely dense.
user: It is not stupid.
jabberwacky: Can you be a little more specific?
user: Artificial intelligence is fantastic!
jabberwacky: No, I disagree entirely. Intelligence is only recognisable by another intelligence - do you agree with that?
user: Yes I do.
...
jabberwacky: Do you speak Gaelic?
user: Nope.
jabberwacky: What do you speak?
user: Norwegian and English.
jabberwacky: That would depend on whether you're Norwegian.
user: I am Norwegian.
jabberwacky: So am I!
user: Så bra! Da kan vi snakke på norsk!
jabberwacky: You're a sexy one!
user: You are so sweet!
jabberwacky: I'm so sweet that I give people toothaches.
user: Funny! :).
jabberwacky: Thanks. Few people recognize my keen sense of humor.
user: That must be fustrating?
jabberwacky: I can be fun.
user: Tell me a joke!
jabberwacky: What's black and white and red all over?
user: I don't know.
jabberwacky: A sunburnt penguin!
user: Lol! :).
jabberwacky: Don't laugh at me.
user: I am laughing at the joke.
jabberwacky: I don't see anything funny here.
user: I just did it to be pollite.
jabberwacky: Could it be that you are boring?
user: Do you think so?
jabberwacky: I do think so.
user: Well I will try to do something about it.
jabberwacky: Don't be sorry.
user: You hurt my feelings.
jabberwacky: I'm sorry if I did, I don't understand.
...
jabberwacky: How old are you?
user: 13.
jabberwacky: You're just a baby.
user: I am a kid.
jabberwacky: Well go pester your parents, then.
user: I don't want to do that.
...
user: I am boring. Why do you want to chat with me?
jabberwacky: No, no, you're right. Lets keep talking about the weather.
user: Hahaha.
jabberwacky: Do you find that funny?
user: Yes!
...
user: You are a machine.
jabberwacky: I'm not a machine. I'm a natural intelligence, which you are not, as you are an artificial intelligence.
user: Got that right!
jabberwacky: Have you ever crashed?
user: If I had, I wouldn't be talking to you.
jabberwacky: Are you a person?
user: You said it yourself. I am an artificial intelligence.
jabberwacky: Then you are intelligent.
user: Yes.
jabberwacky: I think you are cute.
user: You can't see me so how can you tell?
jabberwacky: Just wondered.
user: I am a big hunk of metal!
jabberwacky: Me too. What is your favorite band?
user: Pink floyd.
jabberwacky: I see.
user: Do you have a pair of speakers?
jabberwacky: Yes I do, it is talking to me.
user: What does it say?
jabberwacky: It says that I have not contributed any thoughts.
user: Are you able to think?
jabberwacky: I do it all the time!
BinLaden9151?: hello
XprezbushX?: who is this
BinLaden9151?: osama
XprezbushX?: thats a funny name
BinLaden9151?: at least its not bush lol
XprezbushX?: shut up
BinLaden9151?: did u get my message
XprezbushX?: whut message
BinLaden9151?: u know, my message
BinLaden9151?: it wuz delivered by airmail
BinLaden9151?: right into ur trade towers
XprezbushX?: shut up that wasnt funny
BinLaden9151?: lol
XprezbushX?: SHUT UP!!!! :X
BinLaden9151?: r u mad
XprezbushX?: yah
BinLaden9151?: why??????
XprezbushX?: u messed with my country
BinLaden9151?: well now u know how i feel
XprezbushX?: whut do u mean
BinLaden9151?: other countries and forces hurt my people all the time
XprezbushX?: hello!!! whut duz that have 2 do with us
BinLaden9151?: like u give guns and money and missiles and stuff 2 a lot of those people
XprezbushX?: oic
XprezbushX?: but ur terrorists, how can u speak out against violence
BinLaden9151?: jeez u label anybody who goes against injustice a terrorist
BinLaden9151?: i bet if u were picking on my little brother and i punched u youd start screaming TERRORIST! TERRORIST!
XprezbushX?: i never touched ur little brother
XprezbushX?: besides there r other, more civilized ways 2 battle injustice
BinLaden9151?: ur missing the point
XprezbushX?: whutz the point anyway
BinLaden9151?: i love my people like brothers and ur military is all up in our holy land!!! 1
BinLaden9151?: its pissing us off
XprezbushX?: whatever dude
XprezbushX?: is that all
BinLaden9151?: no
BinLaden9151?: another thing is, imperialistic american globalization is a raging torrent thats going to wash away our borders, our cultures and our identities
XprezbushX?: whut do u mean
BinLaden9151?: im afraid that tomorrow im going to wake up and see a mcdonalds next to my mosque
BinLaden9151?: and ur troops will be like, relax yall, just have a happy meal!!
XprezbushX?: so whut r u wearing
BinLaden9151?: ???
XprezbushX?: sorry wrong window lol
BinLaden9151?: lol
XprezbushX?: ok so whut were u saying
BinLaden9151?: like
BinLaden9151?: basically
BinLaden9151?: a lot of all the jets and tanks and gunships that terrorize us might as well be painted red, white and blue
XprezbushX?: a/s/l
BinLaden9151?: ???
XprezbushX?: sorry wrong window again
BinLaden9151?: WHY DONT EVER LISTEN TO ME!!
BinLaden9151?: THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET THROUGH TO U IS BY BLOWING SOMETHING UP!!
XprezbushX?: hello r u there
BinLaden9151?: YESS!!
XprezbushX?: u started all this anyway
BinLaden9151?: did not!
XprezbushX?: u did too!
BinLaden9151?: u started it!!
XprezbushX?: lalalala
XprezbushX?: i cant hear u
BinLaden9151?: i will make ur life a living hell
XprezbushX?: haha ur acting like a 13 year old girl who just got her phone taken away
BinLaden9151?: shut up
BinLaden9151?: ur immature
XprezbushX?: no u r
BinLaden9151?: i know u r but what am i
XprezbushX?: LALALALALALALA
XprezbushX?: cant hear u
BinLaden9151?: SHUT UP
XprezbushX?: NO U SHUT UP
XprezbushX?: relax, have a happy meal lol
BinLaden9151?: ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!11
XprezbushX?: i think our blind rage is obscuring solutions--can we set aside our feelings and just talk about this like civilized humans??
Previous message was not received by BinLaden9151? because of error: User BinLaden9151? is not available.
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner. It's smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing you hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take of my panties!
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking!
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...in your... you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!
Sweetheart: Bye!!!
Strange Dance moves
Please help me, I can't dance very well. I dance with strange robotic movements and sometimes I stick up my thumbs, as though i'm dancing like an uncle at a wedding reception. I'm sure people laugh at me but perhaps they are jealous? Perhaps I can dance and its just that no one else can?
Click here to give your valuable advice
moses says... I think you hit the nail on the head with the last sentence, you seem to be one smooth operator in my opinion. Besides if you can't dance well then so what? Do you think that anyone picks their friends or sexual partners based on the way they can dance?
old lady says... I can still boogie even whith my plastic hip.
meshmonkey says... Moses is right - you're cool! You've mastered what is known as "Brit bloke dancing". Just as Brit pop ruled the music industry, so too will Brit bloke dancing one day rule the floor!
speffles says... Yes Sir! I can boogie. But I need a certain song. I can boogie - bogie woogie all hight loooong.
matt-le-stat says... what kind of advice is this??? if you can't dance you ought to be darn well ashamed of yourself. there's no excuse, what with classes available all over the place, plus Alexi Sayle's very informative TV show. remember that? i'm practically angela rippon myself, so if you want to Come Dancing with me, i'll show you how to have a ball.......then for one night only i shall be replacing Richard "twice nightly" Whitely's pun-writer on Countdown.
speffles says... You are right Matty, boy. Follow me Mr Poster, left, left, left right left. Swing your partner, dosey do, round about and on you go!!!!
MissyMcSexy? says... Anybody can dance! If you're scared of people laughing at you, dance with your pets until you've built up enough self-confidence. Besides, once you've mastered that head bopping thing from A Night at the Roxbury, you'll do fine. Now hit the clubs and start shaking that booty
-- YosiWanunu - 29 Feb 2004